Dealing with the Toothfairy!

We’ve had a few issues regarding tooth loss and the expected procedure! To clarify things, we thought it best to write directly to the Toothfairy herself and therefore avoid awkward questions:

Dear Toothfairy,

I am writing to complain about your recent lack of attendance. I have explained to the children that you are sometimes a bit busy, just can’t find the tooth or simply haven’t received the call from head-office to inform you of a collection/ deposit. However, I was thinking that maybe there were some other factors involved and we could come to an agreement that would make life easier for everyone.

Firstly, I’m concerned that my daughter’s letters to you (that seem to get longer every time) requesting personal information, are slowing you down. I propose that she is limited to one question per tooth in return for a speedy, same-day service. What do you think?

Secondly, if you could give me some contact details (which I would keep private as I know that children are not permitted to contact fairies directly or they die), I could let you know, just in case the message from head-office goes to ‘junk’. Obviously, that would be dependent on the children letting me know that they lost a tooth at school and don’t just put it under the pillow!

Finally, could we agree on a set price? I hear that some fairies in our area leave ‘paper money’ and I’m concerned that, with all the teeth in our house, this may put you in financial difficulties, so if we could stick with a £2 coin for the first and a £1 coin for all subsequent teeth, the children have agreed, that would be fantastic.

Kind regards,

A Very Busy Mummy

P.S I have told the children that it is only baby teeth you are willing to pay for and that they have to look after their big teeth, so that they don’t fall out. However, I was wondering if you would reconsider that rule over the next couple of decades? Or possibly sooner depending on the outcome of my dentist appointment next week……………….