This week, the Boy went up to the playground at the beginning of school with the ‘big’ children. Up until now, the reception children have gone into school via their own little garden area, where we wait with them until they go in. Now they are beginning to make the transition into year 1 and are being prepared to move up the school. My baby boy is growing up! So, off he went, flanked by his two older sisters. I stood there waiting for him to turn and wave, he didn’t look back. When they reached the top of the sloping path that leads into the playground, I waited for him to stop and look down at me, he walked on. I waited, just in case, but he didn’t return for a final goodbye.
I walked home feeling strangely empty, a feeling that was unfamiliar. It wasn’t as though it was his first day at school, in fact, on his first day at school I remember feeling emotional, but a happy ‘beginning of a new era’ type of emotional. This feeling was different, it was the first time I’d felt a sense of ‘not being needed’. I’m not saying that, at 5 years old, my son no longer needs me. Just that he is beginning to become an independent little boy. I no longer have a baby in the house that is fully dependent on me and needs my constant attention. The last 10 years of my life have been centered on my children, their needs, developments and desires. As one child has developed, the next has still needed me in that constant way and I have been grateful for my girls’ independent natures and their confidence with new people and surroundings throughout their childhood. I hadn’t really felt that pang of emotion when the girls’ no longer needed me in that constant way, as someone else did!
Unlike many of my mummy friends, I loved the baby stage, especially the new-born times that were so short-lived. Despite the nipple thrush, tongue ties, sleep deprivation and constant vomiting (I’m not selling this very well am I?!), this little being was totally dependent on me, completely reliant on my ability to understand its requirements to nurture and nourish it. I couldn’t imagine, at the time, this little thing growing up but, snap your fingers and they have.
We have reached the end of an era. The Boy will always be my baby (there will be no more!) but he will no longer need me in the same way. No one will need me in the same way, the way that I have been needed over the last 10 years. My role is becoming more supportive and encouraging, enabling my children to thrive rather than doing it for them. Helping them along the way rather than carrying them and guiding rather than leading them.
Enjoy your babies while they are so small, they grow up way too fast! I know it’s a cliché but I really didn’t realise how soon I would be saying this, after hearing it so many times from parents of older children and family members. They really do! The next mile stone will be when K goes up to senior school next September, a few tears will be shed that day I suspect………….
Oh wow… You’ve made my eyes leak… Beautiful xx
Oh I feel you with this one. I’ve noticed recently how independent my youngest has become. She’s 6, and has suddenly started doing everything herself, she keeps saying ‘mum I don’t need your help I can do it’. It just feels like everything has changed. They grow up so quickly!
I’m already getting a sense of this and my little one isn’t even two yet. Already she won’t let me help with her food! By the time school starts I’m going to be a wreck, haha. But I’m sure no matter how quickly they grow up, they’ll still need their mum. (: x
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Oh wah, I would have been crushed that he didn’t turn around to say bye. Really growing up! I’m expecting my baby any day (due June 25th) so I’ll be extra sure to appreciate the newborn days! xx
I know when he’s at that age when he no longer needs me that I’ll feel exactly the same, but I find it so hard being so patient when he’s testing me. I know it’s all part of growing up, but half of me wishes he would just grow up- but like I said I know I’ll regret not appreciating these moments more when it does happen. x
Such a beautiful post. My son is 18 months old and I have no idea where the time has gone it scares me how quick time goes when u have kids.
I feel like this with Max starting school this September- time is just flying and I don’t feel ready for it xx
I look forward to the time when they become more independent but actually reading this hit me a bit. I think I spend too much time longing for the future that actually the here and now is just as important.
Oh my goodness! This breaks my heart. My daughter will be 2 in August and those years have gone by in a blink xx
Ah I felt like this when my son went to secondary school, no longer needed and that he was going to quickly grow up into a young man and not my boy.
I keep looking at my little girl and cannot believe that she is going to be 1 next month – it just seems impossible to me! I dont know how that happened. I will cherish every second!
Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime